I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
