Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
