Buhtt sex?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
