i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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