Apparently you make a good broom.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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