I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
