imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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