There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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