I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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