I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
