So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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