I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
