The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
