Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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