help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
