Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
