I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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