Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
