if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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