you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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