at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
