Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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