also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He passed out mid-signature
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
