I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
