never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
