i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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