**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
