You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Floor bacon is actually really good
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
