I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
