I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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