I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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