Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
