I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
