Me. At least after what I've been through.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
