..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
