everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
