my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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