I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
