the day after is always just damage control
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
