he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize