i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
