Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
