he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
