i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
