I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
