I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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