I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
