i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
