I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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