im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
